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Gracen and Gracen - the Family Corporation... [18 Apr 2009|02:32am]
I spent the last two days christening my new DVD player with the entire series of 'Profit', and it was fucking fantastic.

It's from the nineties and aspects of it are somewhat dated, but it's a great show and the main character is impossibly brilliant - sociopathic, charming, dangerous and yet also comical. So many tiny flourishes as he makes his way through the day - never outsmarted, never too aggressive, always capable, always one step ahead. And at the end of each episode, when he goes to 'bed' - such a haunting image!

The network cancelled it after only four episodes; today it would be a cult hit on FX or HBO ; but in 1996 it didn't really have a place. There is no nudity or swearing, no graphic sexual scenes, no great degree of violence, and yet people were shocked by it. Well, so the blurb on the box says. Perhaps it isn't so much shocking as disturbing; uncomfortable perhaps... but still fantastic. I really recommend it - it's like Richard III set in a major company headquarters.

In other news, my room is really tidy and though I'm very behind on marking I feel pretty good about it all. I promised myself today that, outside of work, I will stop doing things I don't enjoy doing - this means I will not be going to Italy for Rachel's birthday weekend, I will not be going drinking tomorrow for the sake of it, and I will not devote lots of time to people I don't care to listen to.

Our first gig is not far away really - I must practise tomorrow.
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Possibly maybe... [23 Feb 2008|02:12am]
I feel so GOOD tonight! Good enough to add that exclamation mark, and it's down to good friends - one in particular.

Stuart came to stay on Tuesday, and it began a weird but ultimately good couple of days. I rejected the drug pipe and got antsy about certain things like how we have become so different, but essentially it was the same - laughing at things, and big hugs and loyalty. Arguing with someone about a Scrabble match and then crying unchecked on their shoulder about your heartaches and then going and getting drunk is an incredibly gorgeous thing sometimes. As someone who still often considers herself an only child, it felt great to have my brother back. I don't think he'll ever really go away, no matter what else happens in our lives, and that is such a comforting thing.

We went to the Arc for Barry's birthday, and although I'm not convinced he had as good a time as he should have,it was still good fun.This random guy came and sat next to me, and we chatted; I didn't find himirritating enough to be rude to, and we shatted for a while and kissed for a while and chatted some more before the club shut and we all had to leave. We were supposed to go on a date tonight, but he hasn't called for whatever reason. I should probably feel bad about that, but I don't - partly because I'm not convinced I'm ready to go out with someone, and partly because he was a bit more blonde than I'm used to, but mainly because it was just so nice to snog someone in a club like we were both fifteen and to know that there are people in the world that find me attrcative who aren't physically and mentally repulsive to me. I find the discrepancy between what I know about life and what I feel about it so weird these days, and it's nice to feel somethign like hope after this shit time.

I saw him walk past the pub twice on Thursday,and it was hard - the first time I cried and bitched about how he had been walking - fast, and jaunty, and chatting to his brother, not even imagining I might see, not thinking or caring about it - and what he deserved. I bored myself, to be honest, and it led to so many bad feelings. The second timehe walked past Stuart offered to hit him for me and it felt so nice to have that kind of loyalty on my side. I still think abouthim a lot, but I know time will make it all different.

Suzanne and Lawrence are back, though so far I've only seen them briefly. Suzanne drunk is someone so exuberant and brutally honest but concerned for your happiness that you can't fail to be happy afterwards. I'm really looking forward to drink and swimming on Sunday as a chance to catch up.

What else - I got up early today and went for a bikini wax and was flirted with by the man in the bank. After that I wandered around town by myself waiting for Stuart to get up, get ready and come meet me. It felt so nice to walk round town and be happy with my own company and my mp3 player and the world going on around me, and then this evening I met up with Leda. We talked about creativity and nude photographs and Lee Miller and job satisfaction and we are going to start meeting up more to talk about writing and drawing and whatever other projects there may be to discuss. I feel so genuinely, heart-stoppingly excited about the idea, like anything is possible, and it's the first thing I've felt properly positive about in ages.

Possibility, hope and excitement... a good combination of feelings for someone who looks like she has nothing now. I have ideas, and I have friends, and these are precious things in a world like the one we live in - more precious than a cheating heart or a consolation girlfriend, or a brother'sbirthday in York, or anything he has that I don't.
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Well well well... [16 Feb 2008|02:37pm]
Halfterm holiday! Thank God... school was getting to be quite a drag - kids going mad left right and centre. I have a whole week of freedom and I intend to fill it with fun and good things.

Good things began last night when Fiona and I went to see Crystal Castles at Digital then stayed for the club afterwards. I really enjoyed it - best night out I've had this year, you might say. It was really nice too because Mark and Phil came down, so it was the first time I saw them since breaking up with Andy. They were good and it felt the same as ever - just fun.

Another bonus, which shouldn't seem like a bonus but is, was that Fi and I had a chat about Andy. Apparently the email he sent is misleading: he made it sound like one date, like he hadn't seen her, but that isn't true. Both times Fi has been out with him since Hannah has shown up with her friends and he has sworn it was a 'coincidence'. Mark says she has been round their house loads and that Andy is being really secretive - goes out and stays out and turns his phone off so no one will know where he is.

So... they're pretty much together now, six weeks after we broke up. And while I am surprised by it, I am not upset. I think he's a fool, and that he is spineless and weak and pathetic because he just can't stand to be single. Knowing that makes it much easier to be without him, and that gets easier every day anyway. I feel sorry for her too, just a little, but enough that it makes me feel better.

Sarah's coming today, and we are gonna get wasted and catch up. I have so many great people in my life - I don't need a spineless liar.
put the boot in

Kids [13 Feb 2008|07:09pm]
Another day, another annoying incident with Ashley. We've pretty much resolved to get him chucked out now - his behaviour has been so terrible we shouldn't have to deal with him any more. I resent having tomake a big deal out of everything and write notes to the headship team about every sexually inappropriate thing he says to me - it's time consuming and boring. I've mastered the art of being deadpan in the face of sexual impropriety - it's really quite a skill.

I can't wait for half term - all the pupils are so restless and badly behaved. The terrible thing about the woolly liberal discipline at my school is that when perfectly reasonable kids see cantankerous middle-class shits getting away with murder, they start acting up too. Everything is a struggle with them - no one ever just hears you tell them what to do and then does it. I dunno what you were like at school, but I didn't ever argue with a teacher or tell them to shut up or give them cheek or lift their stuff without asking or any such thing - all of which happens regularly at the place I teach.

It's sort of pathetic. There are some kids there who have had really horrible lives - smack addict parents who die of overdoses, sexual abuse, all the stuff you could imagine and some you can't - and they aren't half as bad as the manipulative nasty kids who just want to get their own way and don't care how much their attitudes stink. The LSAs and support staff do nothing to encourage the genuinely distressed kids to push themselves to do well, and they positively placate the difficult ones. When I think of the 15 year old girl Emma worked with there last year - just 15, and already contracted AIDS when she was raped by someone she knew, but she still mentored other kids and got on with her work and tried to do her best. Compared with her, there are so few kids who could have anything to complain about - least of all Ashley.

Bleh. I don't want to think about it too much, because it's ultimately unsurmountably depressing.

Anyway - half-term in just two more days, thank Christ! It'll be a good one. Stuart is coming for a visit and Chris'll be coming too. There'll be gigs and giggles and friends and fun. I could really do with a laugh, obviously - 2008 has not gone well for me so far and I'm tired of feeling bad.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I haven't been single on Valentine's Day for the past two years. I find myself not really caring, and I can barely remember what we did or what happened with it when we were together. I'm going to do lots of planning work to avoid having to work over half term and then I will:

<¤> Buy some flowers for the kitchen
<¤> Buy myself some sweets
<¤> Drink some gin
<¤> Watch something great - at the moment, I'm thinking either 'Blade Runner' or 'Le Weekend'

It will probably be the best Valentine's Day ever.

This MIA song has been in my head all day - I played it for the Year 8s at the end of their lesson and they loved it, and more than once today I've found myself merrily and absent-mindedly singing in front of a student: "Some some some-a some I murder, Some-a some I let go..."
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"She's so hot she's making me sexist...bitch!" [09 Feb 2008|12:34am]
Just back from Barry's, where we ate far too much pizza and cake and watched 'Flight of the Conchords' til Barry and I passed out on the sofa, knackered from another tough day at work. It was a nice way to spend a Friday night, especially when tired. I forgot to take my stupid antibiotics though, and now I have to wait til I'm less full for the next dose.

I pretty much decided today I won't stay at that school next academic year - the whole thing with my Year 10 student's appalling behaviour and the equally appalling lack of discipline visited upon him (he truanted a lesson and used the free time to disturb another class, threaten the teacher and claim he was "assaulted" by him; hasn't been excluded or even asked to apologise and stop lying) has made me see you couldn't stay at a place like that with such disregard for staff and such a terrible track record of dealing with the kids. I don't think I want to switch places just yet, but I have a Cardiff-based jobs alert on the TES just in case.

I really do feel so much better since yesterday - about everything, actually. Little decisions fall into place and I find myself looking forward to things much more. I had a laugh tonight, and felt funny, and it helped.

I still think about him though - still wondered where he was tonight, what he was doing; felt bitter he hasn't done what he said he'd do; wondered what he has said to her. He becomes more and more of a distant memory each day but I know the second I run into him my heart will freefall into my feet and it'll all come flooding back. I'm not looking forward to that feeling, but I can't start dreading it or who knows where I'll end up -hiding in my cupboard, probably.

Tomorrow I'm going out for Claire's birthday, and though I won't be able to drink I'm looking forward to being out in a crowd of people who have no connection to him or his friends whatsoever.
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Onwards and Upwards, anyone? [07 Feb 2008|04:47pm]
I re-read some old journal entries and tried to think about who I used to be.

I read from the end of university to the day before I met him. This is the last entry I wrote before he showed up in my life. Not of earth-shattering interest or anything, but I have read and re-read it today and tried to find out things about myself in those words I must have written so nonchalantly.

I remember that time. I had friends, but those that were physically close weren't extremely emotionally close to me and vice versa. I worked in the record shop and loved it, but already knew it was crumbling since Jez was soon to leave. I never had any money. I was still in my ridiculous 'James' frame of mind (in fact I think he was the unexpected visitor to the shop I mention in that entry, though I can't be sure). I lived in fear of Corrie finding out I hadn't increased my rent payment (which she found out about two weeks after this). I hadn't had sex in months and had never had a proper relationship with anyone. But I was so happy anyway.

I want to be that way again, and I feel like I can be. I just need to calm down, and chill out, and remember what I like. These haven't been three years of waste, though he did waste them in the end. I don't have to. I can comeback from it. I just need to remember what I'm capable of.

I'm going to try very hard not to whinge any more. Not for a while, anyway.

I see no irony in this song - I really do think it's beautiful, especially when they sing it.
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return of the mack [08 Jul 2007|02:53pm]
hello.... anybody here?

jesus... it feels weird to be back here in the wake of all that 'facebook' malarkey.

yes, i've been away. i think this is my first entry of the year. the pgce was so time-consuming, so demanding and also so utterly demoralising that i've let a lot of things slide. important things like phone calls to friends, and taking photographs, and having a nice time then writing about it.

since the start of this year i have not done very much of note, at least not during the pgce. i taught, and hated the school i was at, and doubted myself. i wrote assignments and did research projects. i planned lesson after lesson and got mixed feedback from different people, and dealt with the purposeful putdowns of a fellow teacher and absolute bitch. i passed my course. i failed to find a teaching job i wanted.

but then, there have been some other things, apart from teaching. i met a holocaust survivor and heard the story of her life. i went to see 'equus' and it was good beyond just the fact of seeing harry potter naked. i was taken to glastonbury as a present and surprised myself by enjoying it loads. i made new friends, like maddy and sarah, and rediscovered old ones like my lovely leda. i got a job two weeks ago with some guy who used to work at nasa. i watched 'life on mars' and decided i want to be nothing but a writer.

yeah... i'll probably get back into the way of this soon, but it feels weird to write in this style because it's been so long. i'm quite hungover and i'm still at andy's - haven't eaten or had a shower or anything yet. i think i'll go home and sort some stuff out.
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deck the halls (with lots of helium) [18 Dec 2006|12:12pm]
ha. evidently i pressed something i shouldn't have before finishing the previous entry and couldn't be bothered to go back. how very lax of me.

anyway, it's now CHRISTMAS! i get very excited by christmas, as i'm sure many of you know. it's doubly good because the fact i am now on holiday means that i finally have time to do things that aren't planning lessons or marking books, like updating this thing. everyone else is at work today but i am here wearing a big mambo jumper, burning cds as presents, eating twix fingers and watching morecambe and wise. woohoo!

i'm burning:
69 love songs by the magnetic fields for ed
joanna mewsom's the milk-eyed mender for barry
bobbie gentry - the capitol years for emma
the 'old' hot puppies album for my dear cousin chris

i never realised before today that i might find the opening credits of 'ellery queen' enjoyable. what a girly name! maybe he chose it on purpose so crooks and murderers would think he was a bit of a nancy and slip up.

yes... my life has been a bit mental for a while. teaching is amazing and i LOVE it - but fuck me, it's a whole lotta work. for the past two weeks i've been knackered all the time. My typical timetable for most december weekdays so far has been along the lines of:
7.30   be round at andy's house to get a lift to school
8.25   stop whatever work i've been doing in the school computer room and dash hurriedly to regsitration.
8.50 onwards   
       deal with belligerent, short, angry, excited, hormonal, illogical people who are full of 
sugar all day.
3.00   stay behind for an extra hour and a half of work most days.
4.30   wait ages for bus to show up.
5.30   get home, make dinner.
6.00   climb into bed because it's cold. eat dinner and watch simpsons.
6.20   fall asleep before end of simpsons.
8.45   wake up cursing own tiredness. try to finish work.
11.00  andy turns up. chat, read, have tea.
11.30  bully andy into playing chess with me.
11.45  andy takes my queen at chess and i fly into a fifteen-minute rage then 
demand a rematch.
1.30   andy falls asleep like a reasonable person. livid at his blatant attempts
to make me lose the game and sated by my earlier nap, i lie awake, unable to drift off,
smoking furiously and plotting his downfall. i will fall asleep around 3am and in all 
likelihood sleep late in the morning.

it's not helpful. but it is fun, in a warped kind of way. my school has been amazing; i can't believe that after christmas i only get one more month with them. i even got christmas cards and presents off the kids - all signed to 'miss', which is funny. my next school will suck by comparison.

other recent updates:

× i have a sore throat and have done for the past two days due to copious amounts of helium abuse at an italian restaurant in the lanes on friday night. it was very funny though.
× jen came to see me! we had tea and beer and long talks and she showed me her rat-bites. then we ate chips and giggled about christians. she's moving down here in the new year so i anticipate much more of the same behaviour. huzzah!
× our house's fake christmas day was saturday and so yesterday was fake boxing day. our dinner was amazing and there was so much wine it was almost scary. at one point there were twelve people hanging out in our tiny living room trying to play taboo and throwing after eights at each other. it was really nice though - doubly so since suzanne and lawrence were off to switzerland for three months the following day. as a send-off i think it worked nicely - plus there's the possibility that, schoolwork permitting, andy and i can go for a cheap hol to visit them at half-term.
× fake boxing day meant dinner at andy's parents', but it was very nice actually. dinner was good and the budgie didn't come near me because i have successfully conveyed to it on other occasions how little i care for its company. andy's mum even gave me a present from her travels in germany but andy wouldn't let me open it. the best thing was - and i am saying this with the most fetishistic enthusiasm you could imagine - was reading through their bumper double special issue of the CHRISTMAS RADIO TIMES!!! i found it incredibly exciting planning my christmas viewing. i can't discuss this any more; i might wet myself and these aren't my pants i'm wearing.
× when we got back, it was another house event - the traditional fake boxing day cheese board, with cherry tomoatoes and red grapes and buck's fizz and french bread and seed crackers and celery sticks. we watched series two of 'maid marian and her merry men', which is still funny even now, and had a lovely wind-down. ahh, relaxation at a stressful time of year.
× i fly home on friday afternoon. i can barely describe how excited i am about this. my parents owe me an extra good christmas after the disastrous easter we had - i have demanded subtly reminded them of this.
× andy begins his listening for his 'albums of the year' list today, and for once i am joining in - partly because i miss thinking about music so much since the shop shut, and partly because some of the cds he's including in his list belong to me. in the running are:

brakes - beatific visions
broken family band - balls
isobel campbell and mark lanegan - ballad of the broken seas
neko case - fox confessor brings the flood
johnny cash - american 5: a hundred highways
chatham county line - speed of the whippoorwill
flaming lips - at war with the mystics
fujiya and miyagi - transparent things
the handsome family - last days of wonder
a hawk and a hacksaw - the way the wind blows
the hot puppies - under the crooked moon
langhorne slim - when the sun's gone down
the legendary shack-shakers - pandelirium
jenny lewis and the watson twins - rabbit fur coat
peter bjorn and john - writer's block
shooting at unarmed men - yes! tinnitus!
sparklehorse - dreamt for lightyears in the belly of a mountain
tv on the radio - return to cookie mountain
the victorian english gentleman's club - s/t
yeah yeah yeahs - show your bones

the following are ones that neither of us own but that i would probably add to my end-of-year listen, having heard and liked them already:
'we shall overcome: the seeger sessions' by bruce springsteen
'the warning' by hot chip (just for the memories of dancing with jamie to it round the shop)
'cansei de ser sexy' by css

i still have not heard the recent efforts by joanna newsom, kasabian, sonic youth, jarvis cocker or tom waits.
i care not for lily allen nor for the pipettes, and my morning jacket can just.fuck.off.
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my life as a student... again [19 Sep 2006|06:48pm]
well, a week and a half in and i can say that uni is good fun.

it's also hard work. i am already notorious among my fellow students for falling asleep in class. so far, however, i'm managing to keep up to date with stuff and not be too disorganised or anything. SO FAR. and there are some very nice people on my course, though no one seems to have much drinking stamina - and that's rich coming from me these days.

what's also fun is having weekends off. you can sleep late and watch shit tv and wander round town and have sunday dinner. and when all else fails on a sunday morning you can have sex in front of the heaven and earth show. that'll show gloria hunniford, cliff richard and pete doherty's mum.

camping was great, even though andy made me sleep in a marquee with no door and i contracted a horrible cough from it. i am a new fan of kayaking and since my trip to monkey world i can do a really good gibbon impression (and it's not the funky gibbon dance nor anything to do with shitting in my hands and throwing it, so there).

tomorrow night joe the former chef is cooking us a meal extraordinaire. it's something that involves cooking organic chicken in shitloads of alcohol, and he reckons he can do it without blowing up the cooker (this time), so i'm very much looking forward to it. even though my birthday isn't for another week and i have lots to do between now and then, i might start the celebrations tomorrow and keep them going til saturday the 30th, which is the date of my party and to which, if you know where i live, you are probably invited. woohoo!
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future of the daft [06 Sep 2006|11:38am]
so tomorrow is my last day at work. and that is going to be a bit weird i suppose. and i have a couple of tales to tell but one of them needs a little time before i tell it, so you have that to look forward to.

andy got promoted from assistant to officer today! he just texted me from work. it's double cool because he thought he hadn't got it before and he was all disappointed. bless.

what else have i done lately... on sunday night, at the bank holiday, we went to this all-night northern soul club night at the concorde. it was really good fun - eight hours of dancing and drinking til the sun came up. there were loads of middle-aged people there taking it really seriously, dressed to the nines and shouting at you if you got in their way on the dancefloor. afterwards we all straggled home, passed out in andy's living room for a couple of hours and then all went for a mega-fry-up and crashed into bed at eleven. it was a good time.

chris came for a visit last weekend. he's so cool i've promoted him to cousin status and i love him to bits. he and andy were both massive mclucky fans, so we went to see falko's new band future of the left play at the engine rooms. i surprised myself by really enjoying it. we went for a long drinking sesh afterwards and had a good chat, and in the morning i made porridge for the three of us and chris and i strolled into town. it's a shame he had to leave that afternoon, especially since i was at work, but he had to get home - his mum is very ill and he needed the time with her. i hope things go ok for him, he deserves nothing less.

we're going camping on friday in dorset, with jo and suzanne and lawrence and a couple of other people. we're going kayaking and horseriding and stuff, it should be good fun. and then when we get back on sunday night, it's off to see the hot puppies in brighton. a good weekend all in all, i'm thinking.

... and then my course begins on monday morning. i'm not even thinking about it yet. well, i am, but only in practical ways, to get stuff ready for it all. i think there's so much going on and changing lately i just don't have space in my brain to look forward to it.

looking forward to having weekends off though!
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a poem by friends [14 Aug 2006|09:59pm]
i fill my bra with honey
i think it's for the best
it makes the cups smell funny
but it keeps them on the knife.

(ah fuck, see what i did wrong...)
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work in 'has small advantages' shocker [06 Jul 2006|08:49pm]
really good free merch haul today - pipettes lollipops and sunglasses and stickers (i'm gonna keep one of the latter for you); badges for jim noir (whose album i really like actually) and tapes'n'tapes; and as a bonus, some free drink tickety things for a new bar nearby - they're pimping them to all the staff in the square and we nabbed loads.

andy's found us a guesthouse for saturday night, so we don't have to try and drunkenly pitch a tent in some maidenhead carpark at five in the morning. he will literally be the only person i know at this wedding, but i'm quite looking forward to it anyway. plus there'll be dinner at his mum's on our way back on sunday, and i'll never say no to free food.

i want the new tv on the radio and nouvelle vague albums and our shipments of them still haven't arrived. if this keeps on, ami and i are gonna get monged on the beach, steal all the free tickets to the lily allen gig and go heckle her ass. actually, we might do that anyway, it could be fun.

it's weird that on the way home i was so tired and pissed off that i imagined this entry reading nothing but "unless you are as tired as me, and really broke, and have a headache, and...(some other pessimist-type qualifying things), then i hate you and hope you have a shit day tomorrow." but soup and sitting down and restful music sometimes makes all the difference in the world. time to go watch 'what's eating gilbert grape'.
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monsters can be munchkins and mannequins too [27 Jun 2006|09:13pm]
actually, sometimes it's just too fucked up to go looking for people you used to know on myspace or elsewhere in the nether regions of the information superhighway. you never know when you're gonna stumble across the band of your mate's bastard ex, or turn up a piece of music review writing by your ex-best friend, or see a shudder-worthy picture of that guy that used to follow me around town, or learn that someone you used to think was so very cool now works as a fucking researcher on big brother's big mouth.

jesus.

still, i can't really talk... i'm listening to erasure.

in other news, my baby has found a house, and it's even closer to my house than his last one, by about a hundred yards or more. now it will literally take me about thirty seconds to stumble home in the morning. added bonus - the previous tenants are leaving their piano behind! i'm a happy girl with this set of arrangements.

this evening is a waste of my life. i have no energy and no will to do anything at all and as ever there is a tedious list of shit to do. i received documents in the post today informing me i am expected to write something called an "educational autobiography" and send it in before the start of my course. what the fuck is that meant to mean? it's all making me smoke far too much. and that's before worrying about all the other stuff i still have to just to apply for the stupid course, never mind finding another job, paying my bills, soliciting new work, reading the books i want and working on my little brainchild projects i keep thinking of.

(why does no one love the coasters as much as me?)

i can't believe i ever let that cunt make me feel bad about myself. i hope he has to cook up russell brand's smack shots every day and suck the guy's cock when they run out of clean needles. ugh.
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one in a million ugly swine [22 Jun 2006|06:28pm]
so ruth and i have finished our observation at brighton college, and i think i'll actually miss it a little - everyone was so nice to us, most of the classes were pretty interesting and the ones that weren't i got to sleep through surreptitously at the back. plus the food was free - i suppose if each pupil there is paying fourteen grand a year it would be. it reminded me of methody in a lot of ways, and those were generally happy times.

the only downside of this is that i haven't had a day off in two weeks, so i'm getting a bit weary. still, i'm staying on top of stuff more or less, and even finding time to do some reading when i'm not passing out and sleeping for ridiculous lengths of time. i've got a quantum physics textbook from the library and am pleased i can understand it all so far even though it's slow going.

last night andy and i got so stoned we just giggled for about four hours. we were playing a game he saw somewhere in which you name a book then have to overlap the end of it into a band - 'return of the kings of leon' for example. by the time we'd been through 'draculaha' and 'journey to the centre of the earth wind and fire' i was laughing so hard i was crying. i managed to document his efforts to remember the name of "the little black guy from the rat pack" in shaky stoned handwriting, and when i saw them again today i burst out laughing all over again. it was the nicest night i've had in ages.

tonight will be watching 'extras' with suzanne and lawrence, so that'll be fun. i would be looking forward to monday except now i think i'll have to go see a recruitment agency at ten in the morning which will rather mar my chances for a lie-in, but oh well - if i find another job i'll hopefully get some weekends back and ami won't have to leave here.

my head is actually ready to burst with ideas i don't have time to do. i need to write 'em all down and think how they can happen sometime soon. life really doesn't feel as boring as this entry makes it sound.
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of epic proportions... [18 Jun 2006|01:37pm]
alec's troubles aside, i like school.

my new favourite thing is quantum physics.

i have no time to say more, this internet café is wrong.
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and just to waste even more time... [05 Jun 2006|01:54pm]

LJ Interests meme results



  1. betty davis:
    what's not to love about betty davis? she had an amazing growly voice. she sang great songs. she looked fantastic. i mean, the woman married MILES DAVIS and he said she was too much for him. now that's what i call legend.
  2. cibo matto:
    cibo matto are just so cool they might as well be nylon magazine or vodka jelly or the discovery of oral sex or something.
  3. gormenghast:
    in my opinion, superior to lord of the rings - the book at least. it's so well written, and so involving and beautiful and funny and sad. plus the tv adaptation brought forth the joint wonders of christopher lee talking like a caveman and jonathan rhys-meyers in knee high riding boots. mmm.
  4. jon spencer blues explosion:
    jon spencer is god and his music is sex and he sounds like elvis. that's a terse as i can be in explaining how great jon spencer is.
  5. ladytron:
    they represent my favourite stuff within a type of music that is absurdly close to my heart in some ways, even though i rarely even listen to it any more. i will never get sick of hearing 604, and sometimes there is no other music so appropriate to how i feel as ladytron.
  6. nina simone:
    i love nina simone so much i spent eight years looking for any cd that had what i consider her definitive version of 'mississippi goddam' on it.
  7. righteous indignation:
    i am obviously pretty much always right, and i like everyone to know it. hence...
  8. stomping on dancefloors:
    fairly self-explanatory, i'm thinking - it's like dancing but more fun.
  9. the yeah yeah yeahs:
    well, it's not like i'd be allowed to live long if i didn't like 'em - aren't non-fans to be shot on sight?
  10. worrying about the world:
    i don't mean to be a hippy about it all, but really... it's a bit fucked up and all. i like to do useful things to help like recycling, walking everywhere and not wasting water, but it's good to punctuate your useful deeds with a good old spell of unhelpful, unnecessary, detrimental worrying.


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put the boot in

monster munch [05 Jun 2006|12:34pm]
at the moment my main problem is veering between the ideas that life is either a douglas coupland novel, a sons and daughters album or a jon heder film. that and being lazy and disorganised.

i just found out that apparently the word 'simon' is mexican slang for "hell yeah!". i really don't know how to feel about that. i shouldn't eat monster munch for breakfast but andy's mum's budgie stares at me and makes noises when i go into the kitchen so it was all i could think of that i could just grab and go with.

i went for dinner at claire's last night - her place is really nice and it was just a lovely night, especially after not having seen her for ages. we had tiramisu and wine and big long chats about random things, and it was nice. i've had so many people to see lately - ruth, alicia, chris, claire, sara, gayle, emily, even ami - and so little inclination to do it, just because i feel wiped out by other stuff. i'm gonna invite as many of them as i can to ami's gig on wednesday and see how it goes.

hopefully i'll be able to go meet caz later on as she's down for some gig or other. but anyway, i really ought to go now because i'm wasting sunshine time.

it's impossible to listen to this song and not feel unspeakably gleeful.
put the boot in

multiple choice entry [02 Jun 2006|06:42pm]
pick the answer which seems most appropriate to your own way of thinking. you will be given a maximum of thirty minutes to complete this section. read each option carefully and then circle the option you choose with a pencil as it is graphically represented on your screen. DO NOT show your working out on a separate piece of paper, no one cares.

today at work was:
a) amusing - one of the customers thought we were impressed when he told us he once played football with UB40
b) horrifying - a large, wet-looking rat appeared out of nowhere and ran the length of the shop and out the front door.
c) boring - no jamie, only half a day of ami and too much work to do.
d) ok, but not as nice as yesterday when andy turned up unexpectedly, swept me out of the shop and took me out to lunch at kensington's.

recently i have mostly been:
a) doing the same old work-sleep-moan crap.
b) having a great time - all day drinking-chatting-and-curry on bank holiday monday with all the boys; free gigs; cinema trips and nice things
c) worrying about things and stuff and pressing matters til my whole skull hurts from the teethgrinding
d) falling asleep in inappropriate places and shouting at people who spell things wrong.

i am looking forward to:
a) getting home tonight and eating pizza and cake and drinking wine and having spliffs and watching dvds and making andy rub my stupid shoulders for me cause they hurt.
b) just getting through the next three weeks if i stick to my budget, get my observation days sorted and manage to see everyone i promised to see.
c) october, because i need a holiday and that's the earliest we can really take one.
d) dying, so i can have some peace.

you are:
a) abolsutely lovely and i think you're great.
b) an asshole who doesn't deserve nice things.
c) slightly bewildered by the crap i'm talking
d) a fool for reading this.

(Zero Marks)
2 bootleggers| put the boot in

the wench connection [24 May 2006|11:15am]
i made a list the other day. well, three lists on the same page. the first one said "these people are good for you" and had quite a few names on it. the second said "these people are bad for you" and so far only has three names on it, and the third was "these people can teach you not to be like them if you can just remember why they're such assholes".

it'd be silly not to really.

so i'm looking for a new job; i'm writing copy today; i need to fix my necklace. i've made a budget to ensure i survive the next few weeks; i hope chris makes it to the sgp. last night i thought so much i split my pen as i was chewing on it absentmindedly. this distracted andy from his essay even more and ended up in nose wars. some people have no focus.

by the way, while i remember to say so - having kate to stay was very, very good indeed, and was also good for me i think (hence her name appears on my first list), as it had been much too long since i just sat around for days drinking and talking about books like they're real and stupid people like they're deaf. oh, and the tiramisu was great too - we finished it for breakfast the day after the wedding and i think it saved my head from exploding.

time for smoking and gene hackman movies.
put the boot in

there goes the bride [22 May 2006|12:24pm]
it's been spoken about for so long that now it seems weird that the wedding is over. but it was lovely, and everyone looked amazing, and we laughed and chatted and met people and ate and drank and hugged and everyone said how beautiful and how happy and what a great couple they make. even andy dressed up and behaved himself and looked really good - though it seems he is suspected of decimating the buffet that was laid on for the evening guests, even though we'd had a three course meal in the afternoon.

i'll write more about when i have some pictures, even just so i can remember the little things; but for now, i'm tired of dissecting it all. i've been making such an effort to make sure everyone was getting along and feeling good these past few days that i'm utterly, utterly knackered. i'm gonna go buy some washing powder so i can actually do some laundry for a change, then sort out my observation days which have to be done at a school before going to do my course in september.

my boss hates me. who thinks i should leave my job?
put the boot in

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